One of my favorite people, voice coach Arthur Joseph, has worked with an amazing line-up of celebrities, sports stars and ordinary folks in addition to his work with singers. His message, quite simply, is your voice is the window to your heart and soul. In his world, your voice is your Real You. The ability to speak clearly, to be heard, to voice your opinion is essential today, probably more than ever. Because even with technology and instant communication, when you have a chance to face one person or a room full of people, it's your voice, your words and their power that will either make them hear you or not.
And there is nothing like voice to convey emotion. (I'm saying that and I'm a writer!) Case in point: just spoke with my 15 year old on the telephone. He's at camp in Maine. We've been writing, secretly texting, but still the moment I heard his voice meant the world to me.
Do you use your voice to its full power? Are you saying what you mean, meaning what you say and standing in your power. When you have a chance to communicate directly - person to person - are you doing so powerfully? Think about it. It matters.
Real You: What's shaking?
Yes, I was. During the 5.4 magnitude earthquake - the first such experience of my life. Just me, and the dog, and a house rolling like we'd just set sail on rough seas. And yes, it was quick, but it didn't seem like it.
My mild earthquake experience jolted me into realizing - again - that we don't know what's coming, but we can do our best to be prepared for it. Myself, I froze instead of heading to a reinforced doorway. (Very disappointing.) Next time, I hope to do better. The quake also made me realize - again - that even though it is summer, and it could be easy to not work as hard or not write this blog or not pursue my dream, I need to keep moving forward.
Don't let the season lull or dull your passion. Be ready to move, take action, go for what you want! Be you. Be real. Enjoy! And get going!
Real You: A summer to celebrate
With all the celebrations you're planning for the July 4th weekend and more, don't forget to celebrate all you've accomplished so far this year. Take a moment - you deserve it - and realize all you've done. And, if you're feeling stuck, or rudderless, take this time to figure out why. This book can help!
Summer gives us a break in routine. A reason to go outside more, to smile, to share. But if you're not taking advantage of all that summer offers - if you're overscheduled, overwhelmed - figure out why and change it now!
Summer is here. It's time to celebrate. And it's a great time to be sure the Real You enjoys every moment!
Real You: Passion Poppers
You recognize passion when you see it, don't you? It's that sparkle in a person's eye, the spring in her step. Passionate people exude pure, real energy. Confidence and a sense of empowerment. Everything they say is infused with enthusiasm.
We all recognize it - and hopefully - we all want passion in our lives. Unfortunately, the road to finding and remaining true to your passions is littered with the realities of life. Disappointments and setbacks abound, no matter your age, no matter whether there is a recession or not. (Although, it's especially true today.)
Disappointment is a fact of life. These events hurt our hearts and dampen our fire. Did you know Lucille Ball was kicked out of acting school and told she had no talent? True. But she didn't let that hurt keep her down, or dampen her passion for acting.
So if your passion has taken a beating lately, brush it off. Stand tall. Get a little sparkle in your eye. Don't let the passion poppers - whether they are snarks or events outside of your control - make you give up. You are better than that. You are much more.
You are a passionate entrepreneur taking your personal brand into the world as a unique competitive business. Remember, it's not who you think you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not.
Don't let anyone or anything tell you differently! For more on passion, and putting it into action, see Chapter 2 of Real You Incorporated.
Real You: The secret to sanity and moving
Recently, we moved. You would think, being in residential real estate all of these years, I would realize how taxing a move is...and well, I did. In theory.
In reality, moving is horrible. If you are in the process of it, I feel for you. After two weeks of the process, my only secret to sanity is this: cherish the ability to find little treasures buried and uncovered through the process.
And then, get back to those boxes!
Real You: Live like you're dying
This morning, near where I live, two women were struck by cars as they walked along the road to their bus stop. One woman died of her injuries. Just like that.
My teenage daughter pulled out of the driveway last week and suddenly found herself crashed into a tree (nobody was hurt, just the car and the tree). Just like that.
A moment can change everything. Moments do change everything.
Live today to the fullest, soak up the sun when it shines and be thankful for your blessings. It's hard, with all you do. I know. Living in the moment, thankfully for today, sometimes seems a luxury. But, it's our choice to be happy, to treasure moments.
Now, look around you and smile.
Real You: The power of words
As Real Living and GMAC Real Estate brokers and agents embrace and connect across the country, new relationships are being developed through the power of words. Brand. Red. Real. Technology. Partnering. Power. Real estate. Together. Vision. Future. Success.
All of those words and more are being used by a dedicated team to bring two great organizations together. And it's going great! More and more companies are becoming Real Living and the momentum is spreading across the U.S.
What's it like at your company? Beyond the basic words of sales, beyond the words of marketing, or services you deliver to your team and ultimately your customers, a most powerful, unspoken word is most often at the heart of all decisions.
At the base level of how all other words - and actions - are interpreted is TRUST. Trust is defined as: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence; confident expectation of something; hope.
Trust the people you work with. Doing so leaves open the confident expectation of hope, especially in today's economic times. Your team needs you to trust them, to rely on them, to empower them. Trust is the foundation of all great companies. It's exciting to see so many GMAC folks trusting the Real Living brand, embracing it and moving forward with confidence.
Hopefully, you trust your team. If not, if you doubt a member of your team, take a close look at what that means. It's a toxic situation. But, is the lack of trust because of the other person and what s/he did, or is it inherent in your world view?
Without trust, all of those other words lose their meaning.
Real You: If you snark, make sure you're right
Ok, let's face it. Not everyday is sunshine and puppies and ice cream. Somedays, it's just one of those days. You've gotta snark. But if it is one of those snark days for you, make sure you don't turn it into one of those days for someone else - UNLESS she deserves it!
Here's the story. A communications person from an organization that I respect - that will remain nameless because I like most everyone associated with it and what it stands for - emailed me today to tell me I was being replaced on a panel coming up during New York Entrepreneur Week in April due to lack of payment of my dues. Now, I didn't know until two weeks ago that dues were, well, due. I found that out when I checked my spam filter - I've mentioned my new Canadian spam filter here before - and saw the membership renewal in there.
Here was her email today: I apologize for this oversight, at the time of this opportunity you were recorded as a member, however now we have recorded that you are unpaid and a former member. Because of this I have to give this opportunity to another member.
I don't think it's just me who would consider this snarky. Picking me for a panel in January, and then plucking me from it in March after just notifying me dues were due - and like this - isn't really great customer service. And so I wrote back, saying I had just received the renewal for membership two weeks ago, found it in my spam filter, and was having it processed. But now, with this, I'm just not so sure it's the right organization for me. (I was perhaps a bit snarky, but I was mad and disappointed. I love panels.)
Her reply: Certainly not my intention to upset you. We have in our records that you have not paid since April ’08, we do give a significant amount of time before recording a member as former. I was not attempting to assume, simply stating what we have in our records. I’m not sure how the hard copy mailing made it to your spam filter, but I’m happy you were able to find it.
Now, she's doubting me and calling me a liar. A DOUBLE SNARK.
Final irony? I checked with my accounting department. Check for $850 was processed and mailed on June 6, 2008; however, it was never cashed. I had no idea. How would I? I guess my check got lost in their spam filter.
Real You: Amazon lists, oh my!
Here's the thing: once your write and publish a book these days, for some length of time, if you're like me, you become fixated by Amazon.com. Yikes - what number is my book today? Today, at this moment, I'm #9 in women's studies, #18 in marketing and 68 in women in business. But, by the time you look, it will have changed.
That's the constant today, right? Change. Might as well embrace it and try not to get fixated on things you can't control! Yes, I'm working on learning that lesson every day!
Real You: It's tough out there, but stay true to you
I just watched the Personal Branding segment on The Today Show and while I respect anybody who goes on national television and helps motivate folks to articulate their personal brands, I did worry about his message.
On the segment, an author and branding expert seemed to encouraged people to figure out a gimmick - wearing black, like he does - or changing yourself to help people remember you. I'm all for the five senses of branding, but to make yourself memorable, it must start with the real you. Have you taken the time to reflect? When's the last time you wrote your story?
For many of us today, personal branding is falling by the wayside as we scramble for another job, another consulting gig or the like. Personal branding isn't about gimmicks. Personal branding is understanding and articulating your unique personal brand and then conveying it as your unique competitive advantage.
It all starts with you. I've created an 8-step process, accompanied by The Real You Chart. It works. It can work for you, too. You need to decide today is the day to invest the time in the real you. When you do, you won't need gimmicks. All you'll need is the Real You.
For more, check out my book: Real You Incorporated
Real You: You know the universe is conspiring against you when . . .
Ok, if you subscribe to my Tip of The Week (which you should as it's free, and oh so enlightening), you know I fell out of the bleachers at my son's basketball game and fractured my sacram. Yes, embarassing and very painful. My yoga teacher says the universe was telling me to slow down - which now I must as all I can do is stand, briefly, or stay on the couch. I'm still awaiting the universe's clear message, but in lieu of that, the mail came today. All junk, except for my AARP membership card. Now, I will be very happy to join AARP when the time is right, but I promise, I am not 50 years old yet. Sure, I have an artificial knee and a broken back, but truly, how did THEY know that? Nowhere on my invitation to membership does it say if you've received this card and you're not 50, we're sorry. Oh well. The universe also brought me a new spam filter, based in Canada, that doesn't recognize any of my usual RSS feeds, business associates or FRIEND's emails. Alas, I also do not know how to unjunk said folks. The universe is teaching me patience and how to slow waaaaayyyyy down. So as I stand here typing this, I'm pondering what the universe will send my way next. Hopefully it will be a sign of youth and healing, a nudge of spritelyness and vigor. I know recent events have helped my humor and given me more fodder for my writing. And that's the key, really. No matter what gets thrown your way - or where you fall down from - it's up to you to see the other side. The lesson learned. The positive outcome. We all grow through adversity and now, more than ever, we are all growing. I'll save my invitation to the AARP "to make the most of life over 50" until I am, and right now, I'll just make the most of whatever life, and the universe, has in store for me.
Real You: Learn from your past
There is no perfect time to create your own personal brand. It can happen at any point during your career. Up until this time in your life and from here on out, you have been building your identity. And, as we all know in life, you gain strength through adversity. All of your past experiences - good, bad and ugly - along with the people you've chosen to love and befriend, have made you who you are today. It's vitally important for you to have an accurate view of yourself - you cannot brand yourself correctly without it. Your history with all its highs and lows is part of your essence. An essential part of the Real You, and the first step of the Real You 8-step process. Learn more in Chapter 1, Real You Incorporated
Real You: New Year, Real You
How's the first week of the New Year been treating you? If you're like a lot of people, you started the week with the best of intentions and resolutions. And by now, perhaps, you're feeling as if you've failed. Maybe you didn't stick strictly to the diet or perhaps you didn't quit smoking. But you know what? It's ok. Defining yourslf - and your self worth - by New Year's Resolutions is a dangerous and ultimately, for most people, a negative exercise. Instead, let's tackle this year by defining your unique personal brand. The you who you are - who you always have been - and putting that to work in the world. You are unique. But you knew thaat. Did you also know you are uniquely marketable? You just need to learn how to express your unique personal brand as a Real marketable business brand. Unabashedly. Powerfully. You can do it. As an entrepreneur, you occupy a special position. If you can capture your essence, and express it through everything you do in your personal and business life, you will bring a richer, more sincere, and sustainable message to the business community.
That's the premise of the first three chapters of my book, Real You Incorporated. Once you can discover and love your personal brand, you can launch it as a real brand, one that is powerful and different. There is an 8-step process I've created, and at its heart: it all starts with you.
The Real You. Not the New Year's resolution you. Not the 10, 15, or 30 pounds lighter you. The you inside. The you bursting with potential. This is your year. Seize this decade as your own. Step into your power.
"At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you re and you know what you want." - LaoTzu
Happy 2010!
Real You: Avoid holiday snarks
Ah, 'tis the season to be stressed. As you begin to haul out all of the seasonal decorations, and scrounge around for new expressions of your tidings of joy, remember to keep the real meaning of the holidays in the center of your heart. It's tough, trust me, I know but it's also essential for your sanity, and for the real you to shine. At the same time, you're approaching year-end at work and all that planning, anticipation, finalization and yes - potential - the looming new year implies. Ah. You need to find the real people in your life, and surround yourself with them and their love this season.
And how do you do that? I've devised what I call the Snark Scale outlined in my book to help categorize the passion poppers in your life and to help you realize we all face them. The key is to cultivate authenticity. The real people in your life share your passions and empower you. If someone isn't supporting you and your passions, they are using you, draining your energy and pulling you down. Remember, you're on a personal mission to be the best Real You. That's not selfish. It's critical if you want to be the best parent, employer, friend, or spouse you can be.
And always remember, the more real you become - the more true to your self - the more polarizing you will find yourself to be. Everybody loves a doormat, but how does the doormat feel?
The holidays are here. Lose the guilt. Ignore the snarks and find the real.
And when you unfurl the holiday doormat, make sure it isn't you!
Real You: Grace under pressure
Grace is all around us, and so is pressure. Just this week, amidst the thrill of growing and expanding my company, Real Living, the pressure has been incredible. Building a new team, reassuring new contacts. Since the real estate crash hit at the end of 2005, pressure has been mounting. Sometimes daily, sometimes just bubbling under the surface. For many of us, no matter the industry, the great recession has spelled doom, gloom, worry, anxiety and yes, pressure. Not so easy to find in our world: Grace.
And yet, something happened last night that symbolized more about grace under pressure than any business lesson I could write about.
My friend, Stefanie Spielman, lost her fifth battle with breast cancer last night. She died at the age of 42, surrounded by her family, And I know you may have similar stories. Cancer, unfortunately, has touched all of us in profound ways. What I do want to share with you is her incredible example of grace. She believed God gave her cancer at the age of 30 for a reason. She used the pressure, the unbelievable hardship that it imposed, to become a shining light of hope and grace for all who knew her and hundreds of thousands who didn't. Through her quiet power, she raised more than $6 million towards breast cancer research, while also raising four amazing kids.
In her example, I watched a woman who rose above disease while staying real in everything she accomplished. Becaues of her grace under pressure, she gave strength to others fighting the same disease. She kept her family at the center of her life, and her love story with her husband Chris is one for the ages.
This Thanksgiving, no matter the struggles happening in your life, look around you for the moments and people embodying grace. They are there. In the blue sky. In the eyes of a small child. Through the life of a friend who fought to the end. And hold on tight to each other. People come into your life for a reason.
Perhaps one of the people in your life right now is modeling this type of grace under pressure, or maybe, that role model is you.
Real You: Synergy rocks
Tonight I had a chance to meet a group of people I've never met before. In fact, this week and last has been an abundance of new connections and people in my life. Each and every person we encounter teaches us something - about ourselves. How open we are to learning from them is the challenge. People come into your life for a reason. Some stop by for just a few minutes; others stay a lifetime. What you carry forward from these encounters matters. And when you really, truly, feel synergy with a group of people, it rocks. Celebrate!
Real You: What's good for you?
Do you know? Sure, vegetables and sunshine, exercise and laughter are good for you, but do you know what's good for you in business? It's probably about the same thing. Do you eat lunch with people who make you laugh? Are you sharing a smile and a story with at least one other person during your workday? Do you leave your office - whether it's a desk at home or a high-rise downtown - feeling good, accomplished, respected? If not, it's not healthy. As women, we tend to struggle in the areas of earning, saving and net worth. It's because, many times, we don't feel like we deserve it. We sacrifice. We don't say we're they one who actually did the project. We think our time for recognition will come. But it won't. Not if you don't make it so. What's good for you is to generate the wealth you deserve. It's good for you to take care of yourself first, and worry about preserving business relationships second. It's worth it to press for payment on a past-due bill, to charge what you're worth. Women still earn 77 cents to every dollar a man makes. Why? Because we sacrifice. We care what others think. We take care of others first. Stand up and demand what you deserve. That's good for you, and your business, too.
Real You: Creativity is intelligence having fun
That's one of my favorite quotes - and it's so true. My college son forwarded me one of the funniest emails I've received in a long time today. It's about failing a test with dignity - but I'd call it failing a test with creativity. I included one of the images from the email here. This question asks if the object will continue to move after it comes to a rest? If yes, how high will it go up the slope? A complex math problem. Stumped, the student could have left the answer blank. Instead, he wrote: "No. There is an elephant in the way." And drew an elephant. Creative.
It made me think: have you overcome an objection or challenge with creativity lately? Give it a try. Even though the elephant artist didn't get a point, at least he didn't leave it blank!
Real You: Stunning tribute created by students
Driving down the Pacific Coast Highway in California provides dramatic views at almost every turn. But this week, in Malibu, the front lawn of Pepperdine University is covered in almost 3,000 flags representing those who lost their lives in the 9/11 terrorist attack.
At first, you are struck by the number of billowing flags, then by the flags of different nations throughout the tribute. The idea for the memorial sprung from the ranks of the students and this is the second year for the display. Pepperdine alunmi Tom Burnett was one of the heroes of United Airlines Flight 93, who with fellow passengers wrestled control of the plane from the hijackers before they could fly it into the capitol building.
Words cannot express the beauty of the tribute, nor the chills it creates as you drive by and remember.
Real You: The F.A.C.T.S. of embracing change
Just last month, my family packed up and headed West, a move we're calling an "adventure", although my youngest son says he's tired of that phrase. We've rented a house at the beach for a year - leaving a life-long life for most of us in Columbus, Ohio. Were we all nervous as we drove across the country wagon-train style, Oreo the mutt included?
Sure. Is it still different, strange, exciting, beautiful, and surreal? Yep.
Before I left for the "adventure" one of my best friends gave me an anagram she created when her family moved to South America for a year. I realize Southern California isn't a foreign country - but when you've arrived from the heartland, some things are very different. So, whether you're facing change in your business, or in your life in general, perhaps these FACTS can help you, too!
F for flexibility, both mentally and emotionally, to go where the culture takes you
A for adventurous - take chances. Try new foods, new ways of doing things.
C for calm and courteous. Listen and learn.
T tolereance . Not only accept the differences, embrace them.
S for sensitivity. Develop the consciousness and awareness to live with contentment in new circumstances.
Just the FACTS, ma'am!