Real You: HERE, HOME, HOPE is in stock! Yikes!

Just discovered that both Amazon.com and Barnes & Noble have HERE, HOME, HOPE in stock, as of today. I'm a bit surprised, only because I thought - in my naive writerly way - that the publication date of May 1st was when the stock would appear. Au contraire, corrrected the distribution manager at my publisher. Only the biggest of books have an exact delivery date - otherwise it varies. And if you're a little guy like me, I think you're supposed to be happy it's there!

So I am! Yay!! It's there. Check it out, please!

Real You: Book Club Radio - Here, Home, Hope

Amy Hatvany, author of the soon-to-be released BEST KEPT SECRET, was my guest in this week's radio show. We talked about motherhood, what it's like to write a novel and wait for the pub date, perfectionism and the other isms women face and much, much more. If you missed it, you can still listen. Click here. We had fun talking to each other, I hope you have fun listening!

Real You: Finding your voice

I've spent a lot of my life not speaking up for myself. People find that hard to believe, I suppose, given my work history and the like. But it's true. Today I found myself unable to speak up for myself. What did I do? I cried. As women we're so often taught good girls don't get mad, don't express hostility or anger. But, we are encouraged to express our feelings. Somewhere along the line, my mad/sad reflexes crossed, and now, when I'm really angry - you guessed it - I cry.

I worked with a wonderful speech coach when I published my first book. I hadn't realized before then that when you write a book people expect you to speak about it. I'm a writer, I thought, not a speaker. Well, the reality is you have to become both.

Most of the time I spent working with my coach I spent finding my inner voice. My confidence. To know I had something to say and that others would want to hear it. Sure, I still need to remind myself of that lesson. But it's an important one.

You are important. You deserve to be heard. Use your voice. Be heard. Be strong.

Real You: The joy of dinners

     I enjoyed the best meal last night. Not because of the food, although it was wonderful. Because of the people. A group of people I'd never met before came together last night in Santa Monica and we talked about books. These were a group of booksellers and I've never had the opportunity to sit and share a meal with a group of people more  passionate about books than I am. (And I love books.)      The dinner was at The Penthouse Restaurant on the top floor of The Huntley Hotel in Santa Monica and our table had a sweeping view of the ocean and the sunset, the mountains, downtown LA, and even, later, the lights of the airplanes landing at LAX. Surroundings aside, it was magical. Many of the booksellers had not had the chance to meet each other before, either, so while we all were a bit nervous at first, soon we all bonded over our common love. Books. People who read books. The unique aura of each bookstore, the unusual customers and special moments that happen at each store, every day.

     And, what's so great to discover is that the entrepreneurial spirit is alive and well in the bookselling world. Pictured above from left, Alison Reid, Diesel Bookstore; Connie Martinson, Connie Martinson Talks Books; Harley Rouda, Real Living;  Julie Swayze and Steve Bowie, Metropolis Books; Roz Helfand, City of West Hollywood Book Fair; Natalie Compagno, Traveler's Bookcase; me; John Evan, Diesel Bookstore; and Shane Pangburn, Barnes & Noble. It's not just authors who are grabbing hold of the power of self-publishing or independent small press publishing and going for it. These booksellers are on the cutting edge, too. They cater to niche markets, they go above and beyond for customers, they grow and change - and they embrace new technology as complimentary to their own businesses.

     And they had read HERE, HOME, HOPE - and liked it! You cannot even begin to understand how much that means to me. I feel as if I've made new friends, have several new bookstores to explore and after dining sky-high above Santa Monica, I'm back at my desk but still on cloud nine.

Real You: Of snarks, and resilience

     If you're a frequent reader of my blog, or any of my writings in book form or even 14o characters, you'll know of my disdain for snarks. These are the passion poppers, people who put others down to make themselves feel more important. They are abundant. And the more true to yourself you become, the more you put yourself out there, the more you stir them up. Unfortunately, that's just the way it is. 

I've had a couple of snark encounters recently, and they're weighing on my brain so I thought I'd write about them. It's what I do. Here they are:

Snark Attack #1: I'm at a party, there are many people there who I don't know; I only know the host. This snark, upon overhearing the host say that I have a big Twitter following, proceeds to state: "I don't allow that at my company. We do real work." Hmmm. That certainly stopped the social chatter. Impolite, certainly. Goes back to that adage if you don't have something nice to say, keep it to yourself. But it's more than that, really. I love my Twitter friends and the varied, rich and global community it provides. For him to dismiss all that with a snark attack was frustrating. But, since I didn't have anything nice to say, well, I didn't answer.

Snark Attack #2: I know, I've got to get ready for this, but seeing my first not-so-great review of my forthcoming novel HERE, HOME, HOPE was tough. The fact that the reviewer felt compelled to post at all and then included the word "-eh" stings. But hey, everybody's entitled to her opinion, right? Even if it's blech, or eh. At least she cared enough to write something, I tell myself hopefully. In facing - and overcoming - this type of a snark attack, it's more about resilience. I'm sure this is why many artists don't read reviews at all. Fifty great reviews don't replace the sting of an "eh", they never could. But believing in yourself and what you have to offer the world will.

     So here's to a snark-free week for you, and me, and the knowledge that when you put yourself out there, become more true to you and give your dreams a shot, you will face the snarks.

Bounce back. Shake it off. Resilience will pull you through.

Real You: To thoughts, dreams and contests

 Here's a thought. It's February. Sure, it's cold, blustery and snowy in much of the country and the economic news still isn't great, but the thought is this: Things will get better and you aren't alone. As you know, many people in many different industries are facing career challenges. Some days it's hard to be resilient, but you must. Why? Because you're getting stronger. Better. There is no exact answer as to how that will happen, not for your industry and not for you as an individual. But it will. If you believe it.      Have you been taking time to invest in you and your dreams? Are you ready when the market improves and opportunities arise? Do you have a clear vision of your future? Have you solidified and embraced your passions, surrounded yourself with the right people and are you following your instincts?

      Knowing what you want goes a long way toward feeling in control of your life, and your future.

     I'm following my passion for writing and my first novel HERE, HOME, HOPE comes out May 1st! Like the real estate industry, the publishing industry is going through a major upheaval and the road for a debut novelist not being published by a big New York publishers is - and this is an understatement - daunting. But writing fiction - and seeing it actually published and in the world as a book has been my dream since 4th grade. And now, I'm going for it.

      If you'd like to help spread the word - and have a chance to win an Advance Reader Copy of my book and a Dogeared Karma Necklace - just head to Facebook and "Like" my Kaira Rouda Books page. Your support means a lot!

     You have mine, too. Make sure you are creating a business and a life that is a reflection of you, your goals, your dreams, your essence. Then, when the challenges come - and they will - you can return to that essence and know it was worth it. And it will be. Because you chose it. It's your dream.

Real You: Friday night scramble

     As a mom of two teenage basketball players, Friday nights are tough. For my youngest, it's the only night of the week he has a game. My older son has two or three games a week. So, when Friday night comes around, I hope they aren't scheduled to play at the exact same time.      Usually they are. Tonight is a 5:30 p.m. start for the older son and a 6:15 p.m. start for the youngest. I'll be late, but hopefully there, for the second game.

     I was stressing. Apologizing to my youngest. But then I stopped. I reminded myself I'm doing the best I can. I will be there, albeit late. As long as we let our kids know we care by making the effort even if it isn't easy, as long as we're trying our best, we're doing OK. Tonight as I watch the first game I'm going to try to be totally there and focused, not worrying about what I'm missing in the gym next door. But trust me. When that game is over, I'll be scrambling. 

     And tonight, if I take a breath and don't worry about the scramble, it'll be joyous.

     "Joy is not in things, it is in us." ~ Richard Wagner

Real You: Longing for those Lego days?

Yes, it's Christmas time. And now, instead of heading to one of those amazing, fun toy stores - I especially love the locally owned, creative ones - I head online. Don't get me wrong - I love online shopping. But before, when the kids were little and the internet wasn't so pervasive, toy shopping at Christmas was a very fun pursuit.
Now, it's all about a budget. The taller the kid, the smaller the gift and the more expensive. It's just that simple. And, I've discovered, the bigger the kid, the more virtual the gift. Gift cards. Video games. iTunes cards. Where's the fun in that?
The fun is in watching the kids who used to build Lego castles grow up. It's no longer those squeezable Christmas mornings - but there aren't any overstimulation, nap-needed, diaper changing moments either. All in all, it's fun to have big kids, as long as they're home for the holidays. As long as we're all together.
So, I'm putting away the photo albums of yesteryear and focusing on the gifts of now. Of today. Of my kids. Who are the only present I need.

Real You: The difference

What is your brand's difference? Your unique, authentic differentiation? Do you have one? Of course. It's you. You are your personal and business brand's unique competitive advantage, but often we don't articulate our differnce clearly. Obviously. Proudly.
Why? It's easier to hide. It's a lot easier to appear corporate, "professional". To blend in - to not attract attention. To play it safe. But why? Don't allow your personal or business brand to be more of the same.
All of the great brands in the world are unique. They stand for something. They have personality. I'm writing this from the seat on a Virgin America flight. Their staff is spunky, their planes are clean. They are different. It feels different to be on one of their flights. Richard Branson is different. He stands out. He's a personality and a defined personal brand.
Can you and your business say the same? If not, you're just blending in. And blending in is never good for business. Stand for something. Shine. Put the Real You in your business and in your life.

Real You: A word from a frequent flyer with metal implants

If you listen to the news, you realize there is a growing alarm over the TSA's full-body pat downs. Here is what you may not realize. All of us with metal implants - knees, hips, etc. - and other medical conditions have grown accustomed to the humiliation of additional screening since 9/11.
Sure, we put up with it. We're patriotic. We were the ones in a big line in the glass cages, waiting for additional screening. We're the older women with hip and knee replacements. Yep, that's us. We were wanded - sometimes well, sometimes aggressively. Usually once the TSA agent figured out the limb or joint that beeped, we'd be quickly wanded and on our way.
So we got good. We got really good at wearing no metal, anywhere but where the implant is. Sweatpants. Sports bras. Yoga wear. Nothing that would beep. No jeans to roll the top over. None of that embarassing stuff.
And then came last month. I'm wearing my sports bra, yoga pants and not much else. Of course, the full-body-scanner operating TSA agents were all "on break" - I travelled a total of 6 times last month through airports equipped with full-body scanners and not one was operational - so I went through the typical metal detector and set off the alarm. Naturally. What you who don't have implants don't know is that there is no card, no pass, no nothing you can give to escape this. We aren't stupid. We just have joints that deteriorated.
So this time, starting last month, due to the new screening rules instead of the wand, it was a full body pat down. And the next time, sorry ma'am the scanner is down, it's a full body pat down. And so on. Airport to airport.
Trust me. I'm not boycotting the new scanners - I welcome them. I just wish they'd be operational. Just once. Just at one airport.
I don't know what the answer is, but I do know this. Next time you glide through security with only the small likelihood that you will be selected for additional screening simply removing your shoes, coat, all things out of your pocket, your laptop, your whatever...remember, we do all of that too and still set off the alarm. We aren't stupid. We just have titanium in our body. But we're treated like we're criminals and looked at by the rest of you as if we are idiots. So stop that, please.
Just be glad you don't get the full pat down and feel sorry for the rest of us who do.
Happy Travels. Happy Thanksgiving.

Real You: What 'no' means

Has someone told you 'no' lately?
When you're pursuing your dreams and stepping into your power and going for it, it's tough to face. Especially if you're asking for a favor, especially if you're asking for a favor from a woman you admire. But what you have to remember - even if someone you'd like to have be your mentor says no, or even if a co-worker won't cover for you, or even if you really need the help on your charity board - you have to respect the other person's ability to set boundaries for herself.
Give her the benefit of the doubt. Try to understand her no to you is nothing personal. In fact, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her and her life. Accept it. Appreciate it. And move on.
Life's too short to question other people's motivations. If a NO comes your way, especially if it's regarding something close to your heart, take it in stride. Don't let it hurt your soul, allow the experience to help make you stronger.
And remember to celebrate the next YES even more!

Real You: That's what friends are for. . .

Just back from my college reunion and I had a blast. Meandering around campus, buying things at the bookstore, cheering at the football game, sharing memories at parties - and well, just reconnecting. Friends - new and old - help us stay connected to ourselves. They remind us of who we were, and who we've become. They cheer us on, reflect our passions back to us. And they remind us, always, to count our blessings. Each and every one.

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Real You: Choices

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I am stuck. Doesn't happen much, because I try to be a woman of action. Afterall, my refrain is put your passion into action. But here's the problem. I need to choose a cover for my novel - Here, Home, Hope - being published in May 2011. But there are two good choices and I'm not sure which one to go with.
People do judge books by their covers. It's arguably the biggest, most important decision surrounding a book. The cover conveys visual cues about tone, subject, substance and so much more. And well, that's why I'm stuck. Please, if you like to read women's fiction and you have an opinion one way or another, please let me know! The choices are here, on my Facebook Fan Page, Kaira Rouda Books. And, of course, I'd love for you to become a fan. Pick a cover, become a fan and help a writer out. Thanks!

Real You: Synergy!

Just finished a great interview with Deborah Shane on her radio show. We talked about everything we are both passionate about: the power of women in busness, entrepreneurism, personal branding and more. If you missed it, here is a link so you can listen in!

Listen to internet radio with Deborah Shane on Blog Talk Radio

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It's great to find synergy with someone. When you do, celebrate. Help each other. Grow together. That's what life is all about!

Real You: Waiting is the hardest part

Today, I'm waiting.
I am not a patient person. And that may be an understatement. So this feeling I'm feeling is not comfortable. But really, the entire process of book writing is filled with a lot of waiting - so I should be okay with it by now. But I'm not.
Today I'm waiting to see the second round of cover comps. It's true, that saying, you really do judge books by their covers. So to me, the cover is huge. Monumental. And if you're a visual person like me, waiting to see what the book designer selects to represent your words is agonizing.
Sharing my waiting has helped. Thanks for listening. And, when the waiting is over and my novel has a face, so to speak, I'll share that, too!

Real You: This is what happens in Vegas

IMG_1489 We decided to take a last-minute, end of the summer family trip and where did we head? Las Vegas, of course. Yes, while it may not spring to mind as a wholesome family bonding spot, no matter where you travel with your kids, it can be a chance to bring you all closer together (literally in our case via the road trip).
And here's what happens in Vegas: we talked, we laughed, we went to a show every night, we swam in huge pools and wandered through immense hotels.
And now, we're back. Gearing up for school to start. Reconnected to technology, responsibility, and work. I'm glad that what happened in Vegas - for our family - will stay, not in Vegas, but in our memories for a lifetime.

Real You: The entrepreneurial spirit

It’s the decade of the entrepreneur! It’s true. Today’s U.S. economy is fueled by 29.6 million small businesses, led by people just like you, people who are entrepreneurs who made their dreams into reality. Truth is, the only way to begin the journey of entrepreneurship is to start. And start today. Each one of us is in a unique position to approach our work in a fresh new way. One that’s real and authentic to each of us as individuals. What compelled me to write my book, Real You Incorporated and to create the 8-step Real You Process, is the last few years as I’ve watched people not satisfied doing things the same way. I’ve spent the last 20 years of my life as a leader in business, as the vice president of several companies, and always, as an entrepreneur. When I created my most recent company, Real Living, 8 years ago, it was just an idea. That for me wasn’t different. What was different was the chance to begin working with 4,000 entrepreneurs. Our real estate agents. That is the spark that led to my book. And to the step-by-step approach I’ll walk you through to get you started. No matter your background, everyone can become an entrepreneur as long as you believe in yourself and what you do. That’s why it’s time to be real. It’s time to put the real you in your business – to define your own personal brand and bring it to the world as a unique competitive advantage. You no longer need to try to fit in. The key to being successful in your work today is in being your SELF. If you’re working for someone else, and worried – especially given today’s economic realities – to jump into creating the business of your dreams, that’s ok! Start slowly. You can begin to make your dreams come true while you’re working at your 9 to 5. One of my favorite stories is a woman accountant who dreamed of becoming a voice-over artist. At one of my speeches she came up to me worried she’d never make her dreams come true. I asked her what stopped her from pursuing voice over work on the weekends or after work. The answer? Nothing. So she went for it and today is fulfilling her dreams. Here’s the point: whether you’re starting your career or have years of experience, your work life – from here on out – needs to be built on your own personal uniqueness. Your brand. And your brand is both business and personal. And guess what? It’s uniquely yours. Once it is defined you can leverage it as your unique competitive advantage. It’s time to become a member of the Entrepreneur Decade, either by starting your own business or by growing your already entrepreneurial pursuits to a new level. You can do it. The first step is realizing it all starts with you. It’s time to seize your decade and make your dreams come true.

Behind closed doors of SEEMINGLY perfect lives